so few come and don't go

well i've started my senior year of high school. crazy to believe. some of my closest friends have gone off to college, which i hate. goodbyes are hard. this year has already proved to be different than the rest. it's funny how we don't feel like we're changing as the years go by but when you take a look back the change is substantial. today i was thinking about how much i've changed in the just past 4 years. how much my relationships with some have changed. 4 years ago if you had asked me who i thought would have been my best friends i would not have said the ones i have now. but i wouldn't have it any other way. it makes me think about how different my life will look like in another 4 years.

yes i know change is inevitable but sometimes the changes just come too fast. i'm not ready for it all. i wasn't ready for kate, eric, and tanny to go off to college. i'm not ready to start applying to college. time is moving so fast. it seems as if i'm running to keep up with it. i dont want to just get sucked into rolling with the motions. i want to be present. i want to enjoy the time i have with the people here. because sooner than i'd liked to think i wont be here with all these people. i'll be in a new place with new people. but maybe just maybe the days will slow down, the time with friends will seem never ending, and i'll be ready for the next change (in my idealistic world). or maybe i wont.  but maybe thats not such a bad thing after all. i've made it this far not feeling prepared.